On Being the Loner in the Crowd

 

Some people tend to think that I am popular. They think that I have loads of friends with whom I can just go and chat and chill with whenever I want. The truth is, I don’t. At least, not in my eyes.

I don’t have much of a social life. I go to college in the mornings, I sit through my classes. I am able to get 100% attendance because bunking is not really my thing…Well I suppose it might be if I had someone to bunk with. After classes I hang around campus to maintain the resemblance (to myself mostly) that I actually have some friends.

Sometimes I go to the restaurant near college. It’s called Peace, it’s far from peaceful. If I’m not eating food alone physically, I’m eating food alone: mentally. My conversation is limited. My meal alone holds my interest. It’s like having the superpower of invisibility. Only, you’re not really invisible, and you don’t really have a superpower. Some days I feel really sad. This isn’t how I had envisioned my college life to be. What I had envisioned was an improbable dream of course: an extension of school, with my school friends being the only ones there and us living together in a rented house.

But this isn’t what I had set out to talk about. However, depressing and pathetic my life might seem to you, there are perks to being alone. When I look past the fact that no one is talking to me and is ignoring me, I can just head to my PG and relax. Take that nap I had been craving since I woke in the morning. I’m lucky to live just seconds from my college so the walk isn’t very long and I can disappear quickly to avoid questions or conversation. Being alone also gives people the idea that you’re not listening, so if you like eavesdropping on juicy bits of gossip like me then this would resonate with you. It’s a fun thing to hear people talk as if no one is listening to them, but in reality someone is. The final perk about being alone (that I’ve noticed) is the fact that I don’t have to share my biryani with anyone. Anyone at all. It can be all mine as I savour the taste of the tasty chicken-mixed rice, which warms my mouth and throat as it goes down in to the caverns of my tummy.

Being all alone in a crowd is an overused but not yet exhausted term. It fits well with what many people feel about themselves and about their surroundings. But nobody is alone all the time. And when you are, it’s not such a bad thing. In a world that revolves around the social norms of being popular and extroverted, it’s nice to deviate from the set ideas that are hammered into us in our youth. It is also nice to have a bit of time that you can simply devote to the most important person in your life: You.

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